Ok, many random thoughts have accumulated since I last blogged. No doubt I'm missing stuff but here goes:

Seattle:
It was great, Liz and Dave doing great at Microsoft Research. Did hiking and climbed some of Mt Ranier... pics at some point. I even did a 'where the hell is matt' impression on top of a rock.

Facebook:
So, they started using our reCAPTCHA service ( http://recaptcha.net ). These guys process millions of captcha's a day, so thats great. And I must say I have softened a little bit to Facebook, so many nice people I know are using it, and there is at least some contact that can be had rather than the usual zero when you are overseas.

Dave's visit:
Dave Storey, friend from Australia and virtual property magnate, came to visit after speaking at a conference in LA. That was great... showed him the sites as best as I could, however, Pittsburgh doesn't have many sites to see. It's nice, but it's no tourist haven like NYC.

YAMT:
I've accepted an invitation to join the Young Adult Ministry Team at church. I know how much a good young-adult christian community meant to me when I found it at my present church, so while my peers have been giving back since they were 16, I've finally committed to make the time.


The Poor Man's Steadycam:
I recently purchased a handycam and I'm super interested in making short films and advertisements... but to get a smooth picture while moving you have to fork out hundreds or thousands on equipment to steady your camera. Until now punks! I almost fell off my chair when the first link from google took me to a guy I know from CMU who has made the poor man's steadycam. He graciously gives instructions with $13 worth of parts if you want to do it yourself. Talented and interesting guy: http://littlegreatideas.com/
I am the next Jeremy Clarkson.


My thoughts on being single:
Kelly and I have been going out for some time now, but while she is away in Europe it has been interesting to get back to the single routine, which can be somewhat of a lonely experience, especially if you live alone. I have (coincidentally) been having conversations with people lately in this situation and also looking at how people fill their time. What I notice is some people fall into a lonely trap where they are a suck on their friend's resources... if you consider people being either energy givers or energy suckers... these people are Hoovers. Their mindset is so fragile that you know they are instantly lonely the moment they break contact from friends on a Friday night. Am I judging this... of course not, I cannot be a judge of anything... and it is very easy to give advice from privileged circumstances. Instead though, I would like to give suggestions for being in the live-alone, single category. In the interest of not qualifying everything I say and trying not to care too much about your criticisms of my list... here it is:

Suggestion 1) Get out of the house! It is a standard good reaction to lonely nights... go pursue a hobby AWAY from your house, whether it involves people or not. Heck if you can't think of any hobbies you might want to spam your friends to go to dinner/coffee etc, but it's better to have a regular schedule or class.

2) Endorphins baby, endorphins. Go to the gym, a brisk walk, jog, swim, but make sure you break a sweat... endorphins can keep on getting you through time and time again. And by the time you are home, showered, fed, you'll be so exhausted you can't stay awake feeling sorry for yourself.

3) Count your blessings. The 'nobody loves me... think I'll go and eat worms' thoughts should actively discouraged and wherever possible thoughts on how lucky or blessed you are should fill your mind. Much easier said than done, but if you're a lower-middle class person in a Western country you have a lot to be thankful for relative to most people in the world. EVEN IF your circumstances are valid, you can't endlessly ponder bad thoughts... fight them with all your might. You think you lost the love of your life? Sure, sucks totally, but it's likely you don't yet have the perspective to realise your situation objectively.

4) Do a service-oriented hobby. Help with an urban garden, feed the poor, be a scout leader. Something. Anything. Helping people takes short-term energy but gives a better long-term outlook. Focussing on others rather than yourself is refreshing. Personally though, I still haven't learnt this lesson.

5) You want a boyfriend/girlfriend? Focus on the quality of *your* life and be patient. Do NOT mope about on facebook checking your freaken status and hoping Mr/Mrs right will 'poke' you. Don't just think about what properties you want in a boyfriend/girlfriend, think about what that person will think of you when they realise you spend an hour on Facebook a night... even worse if you spend the rest of your time whingeing. I'm a cynical person, but I believe that if you pursue your interests, focus on being a good person and giving energy rather than taking it... being a shoulder to cry on rather than vice versa, then you will attract the types of people you yourself are looking for. And before you dismiss what I'm saying as 'haha, that's not me'... remember that your friends will always validate you and tell you you're perfect and yada yada yada. How often has a friend said to you, for goodness sake suck it up and go do something? I know people who concentrated on being 'awesome' rather than moping about like I did... and they turned out to be far superior people to me... in another league... don't make the mistake I did.

6) Music choice:
Never, ever, listen to middle-class white person whingeing bands. Oh my goodness, shoot me. "boo hoo, nobody understands what it's like being middle-class and white" That guy should shutup and stop being such a pussy. Get angry or determined, don't get sissy. The occasional Evanescence Album won't kill you, but mix it up.

7) Choose the right confidantes. If you take advice from people, make sure they are very well put together people, ones who can be honest about your weaknesses and help you improve. If you find yourself with gossipy, vacuous confidantes then run like mad. If you are going to be an energy giver to most people and attract a compatible partner for you, then you also need good confidantes that give you energy, but it's quality, not quantity that matters. Generally, older, maybe married, people have one line that can help you, whereas your he said she said friend will talk for hours and put you in a worse situation.

8) Faith - the religious kind, have faith for the future... to all you Christians out there "Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart". Now, if you are not a Christian you might think that I'm saying use religion as a crutch to get you through life, and that my quote is like saying love God and he will give you your Christmas wish list... but hopefully you know I'm talking about the joy and peace in believing that cannot be explained away as delusions of 'believing in something'. If you think I am deluded, I hope one day you will realise you are wrong - for your sake.

So, it's hard to eat my own dog food in practice. To a certain degree things are out of your control. I have high blood pressure and I'm sure if my mindset (heck - my faith) was better I could control my stress levels to reduce it. But making excuses like you are slightly light-headed/tired is a common trap... no man - balls to the wall, nike just do it, be hardcore. Seriously, not being a sissy helps A LOT in life. Kelly is my new role-model for this; I didn't realise how much of a sissy I have become. I'd cry if I didn't have a hydration pack and an air conditioned iPod when I go for a run.

Clauses/qualifiers :) : In most cases there will naturally still be plenty of lonely thoughts and whingeing to friends, but in most cases you can make it manageable and take comfort that a lot of other people feel the same way you do. There are certain cases like a very recent breakup, death in the family, you are very sick, etc, that don't apply here. In these cases do whatever it takes to get comfort... talk to a counselor, be a hoover, whatever. Heck if you are depressed all the time you might have a chemical imbalance, seek professional advice.


Thankyou readers for putting up with such a poor post.

kthx bai - icanhascheezburger.com